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By Rayna Onate
September 18th, they said I was due,
But you of all people knew the truth.
“This baby isn’t coming out,” you said.
“She wants to stay put instead.
The world is a scary place.
She’s not ready to face it,
But I know when she does come,
she’ll have everything she needs,
for I am her mother, and she is part of me.”
September 18th, they said I was due,
But it wasn’t until the 23rd until they said,
“Shoot! This baby needs to come out.”
They opened you up to get me
And I wiggled on up trying to flee
The hand of the doctor trying to take me
Out of my safe place.
“No!” I thought, let me be, this big ‘ol world
Is no place for me. Let me stay, I’ll be ok.
But the doctor didn’t listen to me and before I
Knew it I was out of the womb that kept me warm
for 9 straight months. The lights were bright,
and the noises were overwhelmingly loud.
My world was for sure turned upside down.
But when you saw my face your eyes drowned
In tears of happiness that trickled down.
You laughed, you smiled, and you held me close,
And you didn’t want to let me go. 9.8 lbs they said,
And to this day I proudly go by the name
you gave me on that eventual day.
At least that’s what I’ve been told, you see,
because you today are not here with me.
The world only gave us 5 years together
before a scan revealed tumors scattered
amongst your body, metastasized to places
where no scalpel could touch.
You live through stories like these,
from the aunt and grandma who you left me to,
entrusting they would take over for you,
and carry on your title:
‘mother.’
So today, I stand telling your story
to woman and man because now it is my turn
to keep you alive through memories
that have been shared with me
from the people you called family.
For you see mom, I’m all grown up now.
And I write this hoping that you would be proud
of the person I have become.
And there is no doubt in my mind, that you are here
with me by my side as I share our story.
For you see, what they don’t know is that I know
you are here with me, in this moment and always,
you are my guardian angel – no body you have,
but spirit strong.
I reach out my hand and we are one and I go back
to that day one which I was born. When our eyes meet,
I forget the home of which I was in
before the doctor pulled me out because now, I knew
I was in a much better place
than from where I was tethered before,
for you see in that moment I realized
the woman I was looking at was my mom,
and no matter where she would be,
she would be my mom, for all of eternity